It’s funny how you can simply go back to your past and replay all the good times.
Then you snap back into reality and realize it’s just another reminder of how bad things are right now. Then the big question pops up, “What happened?” It used to be like this, used to be like that, but what exactly happened that turned it into “used to be”? I must be really ignorant if I can’t see what had happened. I see the picture, yet I don’t notice the details.
You know, I let a lot of bad shit pull me down, makes it tough to pick myself up. I’ve always been like this. I’m suppose to understand how I feel, but I don’t. If I can’t understand myself, who else can? I’m only human and I can only change what I’m capable of changing.
I’ve lost a lot people in the past few months. I haven’t had the chance to really mourn over my lost. I don’t even know how to act or feel towards the lost of these people. Whether I’ve lost someone physically or emotionally, deep down in my heart I know they’re better off somewhere else.
The thought, “What am I going to do with my life?” has been popping into my head lately. I honestly don’t know. As much as I would love to go with the flow, I can’t, and that’s what scares me the most. I have to plan, yet I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’ll be stuck on this loop and I’ll never decide on a decision. Life will always be the hardest thing to achieve.
I like to sit down and think about how my life had changed in the last few years. I was a kid once, then a reckless teenager, blossomed into a young adult, and soon an independent adult. Through all the ups and downs, I grew up.
I grew up… and I have so much to worry about.